“I hate my natural hair.” This is a phrase I read more often than I’d like to on natural hair forums and subreddits. The comments often come from teenage girls whose families aren’t accepting of them wearing their hair natural. Or from adult women who have worn weaves and wigs all their life. Or women who simply have no idea how to properly take care of their natural hair because they always got relaxers and were never taught how to.
No matter who it’s coming from, these comments always make me a little sad, especially because I’ve been there before. I wore my hair in weaves pretty much from my freshman year of high school all the way up until 2019, when I was 29 years old. That was 15 years of neglecting my hair and damaging my scalp, to the point I had hair loss. What sparked me to finally wear my natural hair was actually a bad weave. I remember being so angry with the stylist’s lack of care for my hair. That anger towards her quickly shifted to myself: If I didn’t care about my hair and was constantly hiding it, why should anyone else care?
It’s hard to admit that a lot of the criticism Black girls and women deal with over their natural comes from within our own community. Whether it’s shady auntie asking “are you really going to wear your hair like that?” or rap music glorifying women with “good hair,” there is a lot of self-hate within the Black Diaspora that needs to be confronted and dealt with.
There are a lot of historical reasons why there is a stigma against natural hair. Even though more women than ever are wearing their hair as it naturally grows, and relaxer sales continue to decline dramatically, people still face discrimination for their natural hair. A 2023 CROWN Act Research Study conducted by Dove found that Black women’s hair is 2.5x more likely to be perceived as unprofessional and 66% of Black women change their hair for job interviews.
All this to say, the bias against Afro-textured hair is deeply ingrained in society and the reasons are not your fault. But we have the ability to shift the narrative. And it all starts with yourself. We can’t ask the world to accept our hair if we refuse to accept it ourselves!
In order to start finally loving my natural hair, it took me accepting a lot of hard truths, shifting my mindset and my habits, and creating rituals around doing my hair. It hasn’t always been easy, but I’m so happy I stuck with it and my hair is the healthiest it has ever been.
If you’re struggling with loving your natural hair, here are my tips to change that:
Take control
While my insecurities didn’t come from no where, I realized it was my choice keep going along with the idea that natural hair wasn’t good. I had to take responsibility and take control of my life, and that started with taking my weave out and committing to learning my hair. That first step is scary and will bring up a lot of tough emotions. But it’s also extremely freeing.
Clean up your media diet
There’s a narrative that women with looser “Type 3” curls coopted the natural hair movement. And while I agree that brands appear to have a preference for a certain type of curl, we in the community also play a role in perpetuating this. So ask yourself, are you watching that influencer’s video to gain knowledge? Or are you watching it because you secretly wished your curls were like hers? Support content creators whose hair looks like yours and who are actually educating their audiences, not just showing off their hair and collecting brand deals.
Be mindful of the words you use to describe your hair
If you’re constantly calling your hair things like “difficult” and “unruly,” it will be nearly impossible for you to ever see it as anything else. Words are extremely powerful. I’m convinced my hair finally started growing when I stopped talking negatively about it. Rather than saying your hair is difficult, say “it has a lot of character and personality” instead. It takes time, but with consistency you’ll see how your feelings begin to change.
Reframe wash day
Instead of viewing wash day as a frustrating chore, see it as a spa day. Light a candle, put on some music or a podcast, and enjoy the time you are taking out to care of yourself. Once I started doing this, I stopped dreading washing my hair and started seeing it as a self-care ritual to look forward to.
Focus on health, not length
There is an unhealthy obsession with growing long hair fast in the natural hair community. If you don’t believe me, just look at how many views videos that purport to show you how to grow waist length hair have. There is nothing wrong with wanting to grow your hair long, but fixating on length will have you holding onto split ends for the sake of maintaining length, which just sets you back in the long run. It’ll also send you spiraling when those tips to grow your hair overnight fail. Focus on building a sustainable and realistic routine, gentle detangling, keeping your hair moisturized, getting regular trims, and eating a healthy diet.
It’s easier said than done, but challenge yourself to not allow people to project their insecurities onto you and impact the way you feel about yourself. The truth is, they’re not brave or strong enough to be themselves, and when they see someone who is, that feels like an attack. Don’t fall into the trap.
Leave your tips for learning to love your natural hair in the comments!
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[…] for everyone” and that the natural hair community is toxic. I really want to change that. Natural hair is for everyone and it doesn’t have to be super expensive and time consuming. It’s time to take the […]